From CBS's "Late Show with David Letterman" on 2/17/04

Top Ten Good Things About Being Named George W. Bush, presented by a man from Ohio called George W. Bush:

10. - "Read my lips, I never pay taxes."

9. - "I receive a courtesy call whenever Cheney has a heart attack."

8. - "I always get the presidential suite at Motel 6 in downtown Cleveland."

7. - "After sex, my wife hums 'Hail to the Chief'."

6. - "Whenever I get bored, I call the Texas Department of Corrections and have them execute a guy."

5. - "Last week, I used an improperly addressed Halliburton contribution to buy myself a trampoline."

4. - "I've been cleaning up on Denny's 'presidents eat free' promotion."

3. - "Amusing late night phone calls from a drunk Tony Blair

2. - "People are pleasantly surprised that I'm not an idiot."

1. - "The president offered me ten grand for a copy of my military records